


Not So Honeymoon

by hereforthephilindafics



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fake Marriage, MCU Kink Bingo, Peeping, Undercover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:07:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23602813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforthephilindafics/pseuds/hereforthephilindafics
Summary: Phil Coulson didn’t understand why every time they had to tail a warlord who might be dealing with Alien artifacts, they ended up undercover in Florida.
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35
Collections: MCU Kink Bingo Round 4





	Not So Honeymoon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anissa_qiaolian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anissa_qiaolian/gifts).



> Thanks for giving me the setup for this story or I would have never filled this square. I decided to make this a little silly though, because I did not really feel comfortable writing May sleeping with a suspect. I hope you still enjoy it!
> 
> *
> 
> For the MCU Kink Bingo  
> Square Filled: Character is a Bride/Groom

Phil Coulson didn’t understand why every time they had to tail a warlord who might be dealing with Alien artifacts, they ended up undercover in Florida. At least this Orlando resort was nice, and all he had to do was monitor the feed of all the security cameras and bugs that had been planted. He was sure May was ready to throttle him. Phil chuckled as he walked to their daily meet up point. She had to play the dumb bimbo girlfriend, or one of the many girlfriends, to one of the main guys they had their eyes on.

“I am taking a three-month vacation when this mission is done,” she said.

All Coulson could see was her toned legs from where she was sitting on the opposite seat of the marble fountain in one of the remote corners of the park. She had kicked her high heels to the side.

Coulson chuckled. “You don’t have that much earned time yet.”

“I’ll take it unpaid just to get away from latex dresses and booze.”

“Any updates?” Coulson asked as he sat down.

“You forgot I’m the bimbo girlfriend. He only tells me to get him more smokes. He only lets one girl get his money for him.”

Coulson frowned. “Why does a warlord have money stashed in his hotel rooms?”  
“Maybe we are after the wrong one.”  
“What’s the plan for tonight? Is he taking you to Magic Kingdom to see Minnie?” Coulson couldn’t help but laugh at his own corny joke.

“No, we are actually getting married tonight.”  
Coulson stood up. “What?”  
“Easy, Lancelot. Sit down before you blow our cover. I got it under control.”  
“How is marrying someone you’re tailing having it under control?”  
“I’m not marrying him, Stacy Jenkins is. It won’t be legal anyway; he doesn’t have marriage certificates.”

Coulson ran his right hand down his face. “So what’s the point?”

“He says he’s religious and doesn’t want to do anything _carnal_ before it’s official.”

Coulson snorted.

“Yeah.”  
“You think he’s on to you?”

“Maybe, but I can take care of myself. And if anything, there’s backup within the resort.”  
“Please be careful.”

“Yes, sir.”  


Coulson was so wound up from this mission that just kept dragging on that he forgot about something very essential. He had video feed from all of Ridley’s suits. Up to that night he hadn’t had the need to watch them because once Melinda went to her room the guy just smoked a joint or two and knocked out, sometimes even before making it bed. But tonight was his “wedding night.” Coulson swallowed and sighed.

As if on purpose, one of the alerts went off, informing him that Ridley had just walked into the lobby. The hotel cameras were low quality and useless so Coulson waited until he got on his floor and S.H.I.E.L.D cameras could track him.

Coulson almost chocked on his cold coffee when he realized Melinda was with Ridley. Well, if he had to write this in a report, he would have to say she had climbed on him and wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her to their room. Ridley’s hands were full of Melinda’s ass and he kept spanking her at intervals. Coulson exhaled and unbuttoned his jacket.

He followed the couple on the next camera that was on the door of the room. Ridley had this horny smile on his face, the same one Coulson would wake up with whenever he dreamt about Melinda. He huffed and took off his jacket, almost ripping a seam. This was not the time to be a disgusting asshole. His field partner was in danger. Ridley was under the impression he would get to consummate his marriage.

Coulson blinked and moved closer to one of the monitors when he thought Ridley winced. He saw it again and zoomed in on his face, and smirked. Coulson had thought Melinda was asleep, but she was sucking on Ridley’s neck, a little too hard. It looked like their bad guy couldn’t handle a little rough play. Coulson shifted when he felt a tightness in his groin.

Ridley deposited Melinda on the bed. She was wearing a tacky white dress that looked more like a clubbing outfit in the wrong color. Coulson was sure it was made of latex like all the clothes she had been forced to wear these past two weeks. Melinda looked straight at the camera inside the wall clock and winked. Coulson laughed before having to shift again. It was too hot, and the surveillance room was small and not properly ventilated.

He watched as Melinda sat up, stretching in that sensual way of hers. She wiggled on the bed and pushed her chest forward, her thigh muscles flexing. Melinda’s head snapped to her left and Coulson zoomed out.

Ridley had started taking off his clothes. His shirt was already on the floor and he was working on his belt buckle. Coulson groaned. He would be the type of guy to jump into the action without even thinking about his partner. Coulson shook his head. What the head was he thinking? Melinda didn’t need this creep to take it slow and want foreplay.

He cleared his throat and pulled at the collar of his dress shirt as he followed the scene on the monitor. Melinda got up and walked to her thug slowly, her hips swaying. Halfway through her short walk she slipped off the one strap of her dress, the top pooling around her waist. Coulson cleared his throat again. She wasn’t wearing a bra if her bare back was a hint of anything.

Ridley was licking his lips. Coulson zoomed into his face and wanted to punch him. Their thug must have said something he thought was hilarious because he started laughing. Coulson zoomed out but he couldn’t see Melinda’s face. She was probably smiling her undercover smile, the one that transformed her whole face and meant she was going to kick someone’s ass later.

Coulson took another sip of his cold coffee so he didn’t fidget. He almost chocked when Melinda started sliding her dress down her strong, perfect legs. It fell at her feet and she stepped out of it slowly. The movement flexed her ass cheeks and Coulson couldn’t help but palm himself. Melinda’s ass was supple but tight, it bounced just a tiny bit as she walked on her high heels.

Ridley extended his arms and gripped her by the waist, pulling her closer. Melinda kept him at a reasonable distance by running her hands up his chest. She titled her head to the right and Ridley took that as an invitation to bite her neck. Coulson hit the button that unmuted the sound and Melinda’s moan came through. It was high pitched and too long. He didn’t think that was how she really sounded when she was enjoying herself. Coulson shifted in his seat in hope of giving his hard dick some breathing room.

On screen, the happy couple was moving toward the bed. Coulson growled lowly when Ridley shoved Melinda down, following her, and covering her body with his. His hand started moving between her thighs and Melinda moaned again. Ridley was not one for patience because he started pulling her thong down in the next second. Coulson shook his head. What a fucking moron to have a woman like Melinda May in his bed and to be worried about just putting his dick in her. Coulson would kiss every inch of her skin, nuzzle her pert breasts and suck her nipples until she screamed, run his fingers through her folds and suck the wetness from his fingertips. Coulson groaned and stood up. He needed to get it under control. This was not a peep show.

A whine drew this attention back to the screen. He smirked when he realized that while he was being a disgusting pervert Melinda had gotten Ridley on his back. She was sitting on his chest and it did not look comfortable. He was trying to dislodge her but Melinda was all firm muscles, heavier than she looked. Her knees dug into Ridley’s ribs, making him groan. Melinda giggled and rubbed her pussy on his chest. Coulson gripped the back of his chair as he stood.

Ridley swore and Melinda threw her head back, laughing. She leaned in and bit his ear.

“Wanna play rough, baby? Let me tie you up.”

Coulson laughed. Melinda would never use “baby” as a nickname, especially in bed.

Ridley protested but Melinda did not even pay him any mind. She undid his belt and hooked it around the wooden bedpost, tying his right wrist. She then picked up his tie off the floor and tied his left wrist.

Coulson felt beads of sweat rolling down his forehead. He wondered how much of this was really her. Would Melinda be down for something like this? He shook his head, trying not to grip his hard dick. If anyone walked into the control room, they would be able to tell he was enjoying this too much to be professional.

A chocking noise filtered through and Coulson’s eyes snapped back to the screen. Melinda was chocking Ridley. It was the ‘knock you out of breath’ not the ‘kill you’ chocking technique but he could tell Ridley thought this was still part of their night. His eyes went a little wide when he realized Melinda wasn’t stopping. He tried to pull his arms free and his feet kicked a few times before his eyes closed. Melinda took his pulse and got off his chest.

Coulson frowned when she started rummaging through the room. She opened drawers and flipped cushions. He tried to ignore her perfect ass sticking in the air while she searched the bottom drawer and how her breast swayed as she moved, nipples hard. After a few minutes of searching for something she evidently thought would be in the room she stopped and looked around, huffing. Melinda walked back over to the bed slowly and lifted the side of the mattress Ridley was not passed out on. Coulson zoomed in and tried to ignore Melinda’s backside on full view as he focused on the stacks of money. She had not been kidding.

He watched as she got dressed again and walked to her purse. Melinda pulled out a tiny radio and called for the backup currently working as hotel staff. The room was crowded with agents within ten minutes. Coulson watched as Melinda slipped away after she spoke to their field commander.

The door of his room opened, and Coulson turned, pointing the gun at the intruder. Melinda raised her eyebrow at him. She was still wearing that white dress.

“You shouldn’t sneak up on an agent with a gun.”

Melinda walked in and shut the door behind her. “A good agent would know I was outside.”  
Coulson rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well I was a little preoccupied with the show you put up there.”  
He closed his eyes when he realized how that sounded. Melinda was staring at his crotch when he opened them again. Shit.

“Glad it was fun for someone.” She started walking toward him.

Coulson swallowed. “Didn’t say it was fun.”

Melinda smirked. “I could argue otherwise.”

He flexed his right hand, trying to pull the fabric of his dress pants and hopefully cover his still prominent bulge.

“What were you doing flipping the room upside down anyway?”

“Remember how I said he has money stashed in his room?”

“It was counterfeit?”

Melinda shook her head. “It was special marked. His funds are coming form somewhere within the government.”

Coulson groaned. “Of course.”

“I’m going to go burn this dress and scrub three times before showering.”

Coulson swallowed before he spoke, trying not to imagine her in the shower, soapy and wet. “Oh…ok…okay, see you tomorrow then.”

Melinda started walking but stopped halfway to the door and turned. “And Phil, next time you turn our mission into a peep show I’m beating your ass.” She didn’t wait for a response.

Coulson couldn’t help but risk his life. “You can’t blame me for having a pulse when the view was _that_ good.”

Melinda stopped before she opened the door and looked down. Coulson could tell she was trying to fight off a smile. Her eyes were still twinkling when she turned.

“Then maybe next time I’ll charge you.”


End file.
